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Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Things I hate about Christmas

Using 'Xmas' instead of 'Christmas' … it’s just plain idleness. It's worse than 'uni' (university), 'grand' (thousand) and 'quid' (pound)
Christmas Day … it's just another day ... except for the homeless, sick children, lonely old people and unwanted animals. God only knows what happens to them the rest of the year.
The real Christmas Tree … it's been chopped down, so essentially … it’s dying.
The plastic Christmas Tree … it's not real.
The Christmas Fairy … Who am I to complain? I’m as straight as a slightly-biased die
Christmas decorations … just bling for Xmas ... oops, I mean ... Christmas
Christmas external displays … have the courage to keep them on all year
Christ … lucky he was born in a largely backward and illiterate region. Today the Press would just crucify him.
'Are you Getting ready for Christmas'  … annoyingly, people ask me this. Who cares? ... except the children, retail generally, Santa Claus's elves and reindeer (let's face it - it's their big day)
Christmas TV 'specials' … we need them because ... ?
Santa Claus … invented by Coca Cola (JG suggested this)
Christmas presents … a total waste of time and resources, giving and receiving largely unwanted items
No massive sale at DFS ... for a couple of days
The roast dinner, with or without all the trimmings … basically an eating orgy. Far too much to eat. People get offended if you don't stuff yourself until you feel sick
Christmas cake … too heavy
Christmas pudding … even heavier
Christmas songs ... wake me up when they're over
Advent calendars ... why not just buy a huge box of (tiny) chocolates?